i had the car running for 17 minutes straight. last night, the car was parked in front of a tree filled with autumn leaves once. but now, the tree is just barren... just brown old branches with bits of snow on it. i had my eyes fixed on a lump of leaves on the lowest branch. i stared at it for a full minute when i finally realized that tears were trickling down my cheek.

have you ever felt a heart breaking? at first, you feel that your heart is pumping blood like mad to your whole body. each pulsating beat thrusts faster and harder as if your heart was going to jump out of your chest. with each thrusts, your heart swells up... turning purple like it was running out of air. and all that is pumped through your body is just toxic. that is when you feel your body weakens.. the failing heart beating itself to death.. and at the last pulse, you feel it breaking. no, not breaking... but shredding itself.. tearing itself into pieces.. that is when you feel lifeless.. like nothing is the matter anymore... reality checks in, and all you have worked hard to achieve and protect thrown away into the garbage truck.. everything can happen in a blink of one's eye.

as i drove my friends in the car, i couldn't help but let myself succumb to emotions. it's a surprise really, to know that you can still feel lonely eventhough so many people are around you.

"It is better to be alone than to be with people and still feel lonely"

and so i choose to write.. imagine.. sing.. cook.. draw.. bathe.. watch.. drive.. laugh.. cry..
it's time you choose something too...