Welcome 2006

Okay, it's 5 more minutes to New Year.. and i have to say goodbye to 2005 which was a wonderful year in it's own sense...

for me the most wonderful thing would be dot dot dot with dot dot dot and then dot dot dot to dot dot do.. and just now, i got a dot dot dot from dot dot dot... smiles all nite!

supposed to go to albany for new year celebration right after makan at Van's. BUT snow was too tebal and the car skidded a few times.. so cancel sajala..

BUT anyhoo, GoodBYE 2005. you were wonderful and great.. you brought me lots of laughters, smiles, and all a hell lot of tears. You brought out the fighter in me, and also the bitch. You tested my patience and you played around with my heart and my mind. All in all, I thank you 2005. Can't wait 2006!! GRADUATION!

Me and Intan 1984

Saje cuba taruk gambar thru blogger. Before this pakai tinypic or rpi nyer domain jer.

Anyway, budak-budak tepi ni adalah saya dan juga cousin kegemaran saya yang ketot temetot tapi jauh lagi cerah dari saya dan muka dia seperti amoi jual sayur. Zaman muda-muda dulu, dia nak naik motor arwah Wak Sro kat kampung, tapi sebab kekurangan kaki, dia tak sampai nak jejak tanah. Begitulah juga kalau dia nak pinjam basikal Mat Tajan. And dah besar nie, nasib baik sampai nak pijak accelerator kereta. Namun begitu, dia tetap putih dariku yang bak kata orang"belut hitam"? Muaha... farrrney!! So anyways, that's me and my cousin, Intan atau nama sebenar Safinaz Hiryati binti Sanusi.
HOW CUTE WERE WE?

For who?

For my darling Krel..


Pour moi..


For me and Alfian


For Spanish lessons.. (second choice lah tapi)


3.75 - for JPA, mommy, daddy
Reese's - for Kak Fara
Perfumes - for Kak Wan
501 Jeans - for Izhal
DVDs - for Ipan MONYET UNTE
Toys - for Faiq, Farish, Farhanah
Girly stuff - for Nana, Pek, CT, Kak Chik, Feruz, Mak
Slippers - for Mak Chak
Chocolates - for Babah

Running

I hope i can finish or continue what i've started yesterday, which is running. i used to run a lot before this, just to stay fit and to release myeslf. i am hoping i will keep on running.

the feeling i have when i step on the track is just pure freedom. i put on my mp3 player and start to stretch. and then i figure out how many laps i wanted to do. i would feel a little bit cold, most prolly because of the troy weather. but as soon as i start to jog, i became worry free. i used to be conscious, like all eyes were on me, judging me "ooh, look how flabby her thighs are".. but recetly, i have no worries. at least i hope that's gonna stay the same for a while more... cross my fingers..


Vermont trip: tunggu makanan



MASA Committee 2004/2005 - i miss them



me and Yoda

posting some piccies

Favorite Jump Pose



The guys and me



OK, we look stupid



Me and my fav bro, D acting stupid

today is my day

1039am: woke up. decided that today will be my day.

i read an article once, freshman year i think. it was about decisions. actually, it was a story. i dont remember how it went but i remember what it wanted to tell the readers. i am guessing it started with a man and a boy? haha, i really dont remember. all i can recall is the ending... which goes a little bit like this, but not actually like this la, a little bit like this

a man can complain/rejoice about his day at the end of the night because he had a bad/good night before or a bad/no fight or a mis/lots of fortune. or he just might be in a bad/good mood to begin with cause he thinks his life is marvelous/miserable. so he talked about his bad/good day to his wife. then he goes to sleep. then he woke up and decided to have a bad day cause mayyybeee he woke up on the wrong/right side of the bed or he woke up remembering all his mis/lots of fortune and thought that he can't/can turn his life around or today is just going to be same as yesterday so why should/shouldn't he look forward to today...

so he woke up and decided to have a bad day.. that's why
what if he woke up and decided to have a good day?
gosh, i am not making sense am i? haha

but the point is... you can wake up any day (if you wake up that is) and go on with your day as it goes. you might win the lottery or get into an accident. you might laugh with your friends or get mad at them for a joke they pull on you. you might be cry out of embarassment when your underwear tag is still there although nobody can really see your panties or briefs... you might curse your heart out when a stranger accidentally bump into you... you might even get a bouquet of flowers in the wee hours of the morning of get stung by a bee...

it might be a good day.. or a bad day..
SO WHAT?
but why would you want to make it a bad day when you can easily have a good day?
haha.. now i know im talking crap.. full "ba wow lam lam shin ya ta..."

but at 1039am today, i opened my eyes.. sat on the bed.. opened my blinds.. stretched my arms... smile at the trees.. greeted the sun... and said to myself, "I'll have a good day today no matter what."

and guess what, i did. today is my day...

i had the car running for 17 minutes straight. last night, the car was parked in front of a tree filled with autumn leaves once. but now, the tree is just barren... just brown old branches with bits of snow on it. i had my eyes fixed on a lump of leaves on the lowest branch. i stared at it for a full minute when i finally realized that tears were trickling down my cheek.

have you ever felt a heart breaking? at first, you feel that your heart is pumping blood like mad to your whole body. each pulsating beat thrusts faster and harder as if your heart was going to jump out of your chest. with each thrusts, your heart swells up... turning purple like it was running out of air. and all that is pumped through your body is just toxic. that is when you feel your body weakens.. the failing heart beating itself to death.. and at the last pulse, you feel it breaking. no, not breaking... but shredding itself.. tearing itself into pieces.. that is when you feel lifeless.. like nothing is the matter anymore... reality checks in, and all you have worked hard to achieve and protect thrown away into the garbage truck.. everything can happen in a blink of one's eye.

as i drove my friends in the car, i couldn't help but let myself succumb to emotions. it's a surprise really, to know that you can still feel lonely eventhough so many people are around you.

"It is better to be alone than to be with people and still feel lonely"

and so i choose to write.. imagine.. sing.. cook.. draw.. bathe.. watch.. drive.. laugh.. cry..
it's time you choose something too...

the call

Exactly at 10:00 am the phone ringer blasts off "Have a Nice Day" by Stereophonics. I wonder who it was. Who would call me on a Friday morning, third day of winter, second day of break....

"Hey you. Good morning"
"Hey. Good morning"
"Did I wake you? I'm so sorry, didn't mean to."
"No, not at all. I'm usually up at 9 anyways."
"Oh, okay"
"So, what's up?"
"Nothing much. What you up to?"
"Weather channel. Nothing's good on tv"
"Yeah I know. Cartoons are good in the morning you know"
"Haha. Really? I didn't know that. Thanks."
"Hmm, yeah. Umm"
"Yes"
"Anyway, I was wondering if you could come by to the kiosk today"
"Something going on there?"
"Umm. No, nothing interesting. Forget I asked"
"Umm. Okay..."
"Aight, I'll let you get back to weather channel then. Talk to you later"
"Okay. Bye"

*click*
I put down the receiver. Gosh, he's so funny and cute when he's nervous.
I put my black pumps on to go with my knee-length dress. I grabbed a purple scarf and twirl it over my neck.

Keys.. check!
Wallet.. check!
Lip balm.. check!
Gloves.. check!

The car is already heated up. I drove past the parking lot and waved good morning to Mr. Wright. Within 5 minutes, I was already parked in front of the building. I could see the red Ford on the side of the road. I smiled.

I opened the building door and walked up the stairs. I turned left and another left. Then I opened the door. Nobody was there. I smiled.

But at the kiosk, the man was staring at the blank plasma tv. He turned towards me. I could tell he was surprised to see me. He smiled. I smiled.

my baby

It was 7:08 in the morning when i heard a knock on my door. In my white I Love NY tee and yellow spanky pants, i opened my door, without even looking through the peephole. It didnt even occur to me that a rapist might be on the other side. But anyway, with droopy eyes and the most messed up hair ever, I prop the door a bit, enough to see who it was.

Surprised people would drop their jaw when they are surprised (duh). But I just stared at the lovely surprise at my door. I saw a smile curving up his face when I finally opened the door fully. He had a 3 roses in his hands, a yellow, a white, a red and a lily.

"Good morning," he said. And he gave me a small peck on the cheek.
"Good morning," I was already blushing.

I asked him to come in, but he politely declined. He had to run off somewhere for the day. He just needed to see me, he said.

"I need to see the person I trust the most," and he handed me the yellow rose.

"I need to see the person I miss the most," and he handed me the white rose.

"I need to see the person I love the most," and he handed me the red rose.

Then he just stared at me, smiling.. no, not smiling.. but smirking.

I said thank you... and he said you're welcome. He gave me another peck on the cheek and he said he had to go. I was still droopy and had no idea what had happened so I just stared at him. So much staring in 5 minutes...

Before he left, he looked at me.

"You're cute even with this messy morning look of yours. If you look like this every morning, I want to always wake up by your side. I know, this is kind of a sappy thing to say, but I mean it. Gosh, I'm making a fool of myself, right? .... Yup, your silence says it all. I shouldn't have come.. this is mesed.."

I put my finger on his lips...

"Shhh...." I said. "You're cute when you're all nervous and out of words. I'm glad you're making a fool of yourself by coming here, but you're no fool at all. And you're not sappy at all and nothing is messed up. I love my roses, they are so beautiful. Thank you."

He stared at me blankly (more staring).

"Hehe, don't just look at me not knowing what to do," I pressed my finger on his nose so he'd twitch like always. He smiled.

"Umm..."
"Yess?"
"Umm.. I know you like lilies. You mentioned it once"
"Like 3 years ago. You remembered?"
"Umm.. yes. I got you a lily. A white one. Because you like white."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome. Umm.. i have to go. Bye."

As he turned away, I took his arm and spun him back to face me. We were still at my front door in the wee hours of the morning.

"Hey you..." I pointed my finger to my forehead and smiled. "I'd like to have you wake up by my side every morning too.." He knew.. and he smiled too. "I'd like that, very much"

Long post.. but if ur my buddy, u'll go thru

It was 615pm and I decided to fill up my tub with hot water and bubbles so I can indulge myself to a good and soothing bath after 16 weeks of school and work torture. I grabbed my lappie and dragged my chair into the bathroom and plugged in the power not before establishing my wireless connection with Pekan Khamis.

The "Before Sunset" DVD has been lying around for weeks so I felt the urge to watch it while soaking my dishwasher-for-a-day aching body. I lit up two of my favorite candles and placed them in spots I know will give me the "so-called" romantic atmosphere. If I had rose petals in my bubble-filled tub, it would be fantabulous, but still it would lack a partner that I could share my bathtime with. But since my brother may be an avid reader of my insights, "Fear not yee brother, for thou sister has not done any of the sorts just yet".

"Before Sunset" is a wonderful movie. It is a sequel to "Before Sunrise" which is a must-see movie for all the couples in the world. But mind you dear couples that both of the movies are just basically talk-talk-and-more-talk, a movie with lots of word play. To me, both of the movies are filled with intriguing yet simple and petty conversations between two people who just met. "Before Sunrise" is about Jessie and Celine, an American and a French respectively who met in a train and decided to take a chance and jump off in Vienna to spend a whole together just for the sake of taking a chance. "Before Sunset" is set 9 years after their Vienna rendezvous.... more talking... seriously.. more and more..

I love both movies... love them.. love them...
Christmas wishlist:
1. Soundtrack for "Before Sunrise"
2. Soundtrack for "Before Sunset"
3. DVD of "Before Sunrise" --> i already have "Before Sunset"
4. somebody to watch Before Sunrise with.. (i know Ipan, i watched it with u already)...

The song below is Celine's song reminiscing her one night (or one night stand which meant a whole deal to her) with Jessie.. it's a short song, but the melody is nice indeed... lovely.. dopey but still lovely..

After watching the movie, I played You're Beautiful - James Blunt on repeat. Thanks Hadi for the song.... I start to imagine things... to play scenarios in my head... think back of what I did and what people did.. and think about a special person of mine... the song was 20 times on repeat before I decided that I was already so pruney from the water that was getting too cold.. I stepped out and dried up and haha, got hungry...

Too much for one night I thought to myself. In dire need of friends...

A Waltz for a Night
Julie Delpy from the movie "Before Sunset"

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts
Let me sing you a waltz
About this one night stand

You were for me that night
Everything I always dreamt of in life
But now you're gone
You are far gone
All the way to your island of rain

It was for you just a one night thing
But you were much more to me
Just so you know

I hear rumors about you
About all the bad things you do
But when we were together alone
You didn't seem like a player at all

I don't care what they say
I know what you meant for me that day
I just wanted another try
I just wanted another night
Even if it doesn't seem quite right
You meant for me much more
Than anyone I've met before

One single night with you little Jesse
Is worth a thousand with anybody

I have no bitterness, my sweet
I'll never forget this one night thing
Even tomorrow, another arms
My heart will stay yours until I die

Let me sing you a waltz
Out of nowhere, out of my blues
Let me sing you a waltz
About this lovely one night stand

Pretty soon, it's gonna be over pretty soon. No more sitting around in Nawaal's room watching her ridiculous small tele while gossipping about the latest rumor flying around in Troy and eating nasi lemak with no eggs. No more crawling into bed whenever exam time is near and no more crawling out of bed trying as hard as possible to go to class or work. No more eyeing cute guys in the union (like there are any) or girls(haha)... no more scheduling meetings every single day and every single nite. No more going out to heat the car in middle of winter and creep to places and yada yada... boohoo, there's a lot of things and people that will be missed.. but still a lot more out there to do.. (blurghh... i hate this)

d-day

everybody
good luck in finals!

they do

boys really do suck!

NEAR END

It is certainly nearing the end of the semester. Another 14 days to be precise, then all of RPI can go to their rightful hibernation spot. As for moi, my hibernation would be, where else?.. T-R-O-Y. Urgh, way to spend my last winter here heh.. but nyways, i'd rather be here than hmm, dunno.. i'd rather be in troy, in the snow with all the wind and ice. but..

ROME WOULD BE MUCH BETTER!!!

anyways, reading our online paper just now (after so long tak baca)... Nicol David got 200k for being a great squash player. Siti Nurhaliza is getting publicity for reading the koran. Tons of killing back home. IT people still find it hard to get a job (despite our MSC project). There's a woman in jail that was asked to strip naked by a policeman.. wth? East Coast will get a lot of rain due to the monsoon season. This chic who was an actress now is beginning to sing. Israel is told to kill some Palestinian.... and the list goes on. RIDICULOUS!

Aiyoo.. all the reasons to go back home after graduation. Certainemant, DONT WANT! urgh.. i am hoping, wishing, my grades will turn out more than wonderful this semester and then, i can spend my whole winter not hibernating, instead, nerd-ing myself to score some ridiculous exam score to get into grad school.

i miss my mom and dad tho... so maybe its not that bad to go back home (just for a week or 2). hopefully, they'll find me a husband cause boys suck!

IF and ONLYIF then

if wish=1 and money<>0 then
winter in canada
spring in paris
summer in rome
fall in malaysia
else
me=sad
endif